It is natural for libido levels to fluctuate throughout a relationship; when a woman’s libido decreases, it is generally fairly easy to notice, though it has numerous possible causes.

Signs of a libido decrease

woman_upset_bedroomHave things been a little lackluster in the bedroom lately? Here are some signs that your female partner’s libido has decreased:

  • She has stopped initiating sex
  • She is not receptive when you initiate sex (aka “not in the mood”)
  • When the two of you do have sex, she does not appear to enjoy herself or be really into it.
  • When the two of you do have sex, she wants it to be over quickly.
  • She does not want to engage in foreplay; she has a “let’s get it over with” attitude.
  • She rebuffs intimate physical contact that once caused her to become aroused.
  • She routinely seems irritated and bothered when you try to initiate sex.

Please note that some women have a naturally low sex drive. It can only be considered a decrease when there is a noticeable change in one’s sexual habits.

Causes of female libido loss

Loss of libido can originate from a number of sources:

  • Menopause
  • Medications, such as anti-depressants and anti-seizure pills, can cause a drop in libido.
  • Smoking and excessive alcohol consumption
  • Medical diseases
  • Fatigue
  • Pregnancy and breastfeeding
  • Stress, anxiety, and depression
  • Low self-esteem
  • Poor body image
  • Unresolved relationship conflicts
  • Poor communication of sexual preferences and needs
  • Routinely being unsatisfied in the bedroom
  • Infidelity
  • Hormonal contraceptives
  • Lack of lubrication, which can be caused by medications.
  • If the two of you are involved in a long-term relationship, the novelty may have worn off. It is normal for individuals in a long-term relationship to experience a decrease in their sex drives.
  • Sex has become painful

How to remedy the situation

If you have noticed a decline in your female partner’s libido, the best thing to do is to talk to her about it in a way that is non-confrontational, non-judgmental, and that does not seem like it is coming from a place of irritation due your own pent-up sexual frustration. Frame it so that it is brought up within a context of your concern for her and your relationship, and ask if there is anything you can do to improve the sex for her. Whether you know it or not, your partner’s lack of libido is likely causing her distress as well. She may be embarrassed or feel guilty, so be sure to not cast blame or be overly-aggressive. If she can tell you what she thinks is wrong, suggest that the two of you look up ways to solve that problem together. If she cannot pinpoint it, offer to investigate possible causes with her so that you can solve the problem. Be caring and compassionate and if she is honest with you, do not take offense.

Sources

Mayoclinic.org (2014) Low sex drive in women. Available from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/basics/causes/con-20033229.

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